My Blank Space… Is it too late to fill it??

One thing about having a blog, is what if you don’t really have anything of value to say.  Have you ever felt like that, like your mind is this blank space waiting to be filled but not in a Taylor Swift kind of way?   I have that a lot.  Especially lately.  What does that mean, I wonder?  I’ve read that what your mind dwells on in its free time is an indication of where your “treasure” is.  Hmmm, thats scary, apparently my treasure is nothing!?  When my kids were younger, sometimes, my mind was singing Raffi songs in the car, while on my way to the grocery store, alone.  “I like to eat, eat, eat, ayples and banaynays! ”  Or Sharon, Lois and Bram, “skidamarinky dinky dink, skiadamarinky doo, I love you…”  That’s a weird treasure, kids songs!!  Now, mostly, if I’m not busy, my mind seriously is simply blank.  So, where does that leave me and my treasure?

 

Perhaps I need to expand my knowledge.  I didn’t finish college, at the time, I wasn’t focused, I didn’t have a good goal, I always had wanted to be a wife and mother and so I think I looked at college as filler, mostly.  How I wish I had somehow figured out how to do both.  I don’t mean I wish I had postponed our marriage or having our children, I would not change any of that.  But I could have, still could, I suppose, worked at it slowly and done both.  What could I have become?  It is fun to think about…

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I have found since taking care of Flossie, that I wish I had become a nurse.  I rather enjoy most of the service aspects of helping her.  And I’d like to think I would have been a pretty good labor and delivery nurse, having experienced that a few times.  Or I could have become a teacher, I really like being with kids in that environment helping them grasp new concepts and I think I am good at that, too.  I’ve toyed with the idea that I could go back now, its never too late, but realistically, even going full time, it’d take at best 4 years, I’d be 56 -57 years old.  Who would hire an inexperienced nurse or teacher at that age?  So, how can I expand my knowledge so my mind is working on things in its spare time just for me, not for  the purpose of getting a job?

 

Here are a few things I came up with, just now, while apparently having a cathartic moment in my life while writing my blog post. You see, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, feeling less like a person, and more like an exister.  Ever felt like that?   Maybe this list will help me, maybe you, but I need it more, I am sure :).

 

  1. Read more.  I love reading, but not in little snippets here FullSizeRender 4and there, I like to have half an hour at least, to get into my book.  But maybe I need to learn to enjoy reading little bits at a time and savor those moments.   First and foremost, should be 15 minutes a day of my scriptures, something I have been lacking in since I don’t teach my early morning religion class to high schoolers.  Okay, I think I can do this.
  2. Find a topic I am interested in, and learn about it, through internet/magazines/friends etc.  This one is hard for me, I often say the phrase jokingly, but I think seriously, as well, “I don’t like to learn new things”.  What a cop out!!  I was blessed with this healthy body and brain and should be developing it with effort and enjoyment.  So, I think I will learn more about nutrition and how I can improve on that for me and for my family.  I can do that.  One new recipe a week.
  3. Learn and/or improve on a skill.  I used to sew for my girls and home often and enjoyed it and had confidence and fun.  Now my confidence has waned and its scary for me. IMG_3125 I made a pretty and simple quilt for Flossie as a gift after she had her stroke, it turned out so nice, thanks to the encouragement of a friend and my sister, who both boosted my confidence.  I have one all ready to sew for Stephie’s baby, been all ready to put together for over a month.  What is holding me back?  I can do that!  What a shot in the arm it is to complete something hanging over my head.  I can sew those little squares together, enjoy the smell of the steam as I press the seams to the side, and find joy in the project coming together.  I will do this.
  4. Be brave.  Try new things, foods, activities, sit down with John and really try and understand why he likes Minecraft and learn to play with him.  Wow, I don’t know if I can/want to do this one!  This is hard and would be really going out of the box for me.  I hate video games, but he is so interested and loves that game so much.  I should go rock climbing with Sam to the local place he likes to go, give it a shot, be interested with him, let him teach me.  FullSizeRenderAllow myself to be put into that funky harness, and then climb up so all can have that lovely view of the harness tugging at my pants pulling everything just weirdly around the bottom area.  Shudder!!  Have Lizzie teach me about style and fashion and learn from her very sophisticated taste that is beyond her 16 years.  She has such good taste in clothing and interior design, I need to watch and observe and learn from her.  I can try these things, this number 4 is harder than the others, if I try and fail, I will feel selfish, like my kids weren’t worth the effort… But I will try.

 

 

That is all I can put out there for myself right now, those are a lot of things.  Hopefully I can go outside of my comfort zone and try and fill my blank space and therefore my treasure will be more full and rich.  I don’t want an empty treasure.  So, any and all encouragement from you all would be greatly appreciated, ask specifically if I finished Stephie’s quilt, if I have tried any new recipes, ask about my world I will learn to build in Minecraft, and ask where I am in my Scripture reading, and what novel/magazine I have read lately.  Ask what I am learning about, is it a foreign language, about finance and investing, is it learning about strokes and how one can best help a patient… Ask me, help me be accountable to my very own list of Treasures.  I don’t want a blank space any more.

 

That is all.  thanks for being my therapist this morning.  :)

~Venita

5 comments

  1. Sarah Jayne says:

    I love this. It’s great to try new things! One thing I just have to say though is that I very much disagree with the notion that an education is simply a means to acquiring a career/being hired in a field. If you want to get an education you should do it for you and because you simply want to be more knowledgeable and educated, not because it would make you hirable. Knowledge is something you will find you can use and mold to every aspect of your life and the next life to come. It is one of the most important things we can acquire in this life as it is one of the only things that will accompany us in the next. This is something specifically told to me and promised to me by Heavenly Father and I know it applies to everyone, not just me. So if some part of you still wants to finish school I say go for it! It doesn’t matter if you get hired or whatever because either way the knowledge will still be with you and I promise it will bless your life. You will end up finding ways you will use that knowledge just day to day to bless your family and friends. So don’t let the idea of not being hired hold you back.
    Anyway, that’s just my little encouragement. Not sure it it helps.

  2. Chrissy says:

    I love this post! I have felt all of these feelings before. Just existing and not really having a thing you’re focused on that week/month, etc. It’s so good to do a little inventory on things you actually WANT to start spending time focusing on, even if they’re a little out of our comfort zone.

    I looooove rock climbing and can’t wait till my kids are old enough to go with me. And I’ve been surprised with how fun videogames can be to play with someone else. And you and Lizzie should design a room or plan some outfits to shop for. Like your own little design team! And I wanna see that quilt… All the prep-work is the hardest part. Actually sewing all those seams is what is so satisfying productivity-wise.

    I’m anxious to start my own list when we get back home!

  3. Diane Bartholomew says:

    This triggered lots of thoughts! For me, my education was the path to the gospel. Beyond that, it was not the means to any great vocation. I have secretly wished I could go back to school and just take random courses of interest just for fun. At this stage of my life though, the dreams of classes, making quilts, a beautiful flower garden, etc., have all given way to the challenges of family history and even indexing – which are always exciting, stimulating, challenging, and forever calling to me! I highly recommend seeing what you can discover and do! It is such fun! Thanks for sharing!

  4. Stephenie Nixon says:

    I love being in school right now. It took me a while to get over the fear of being a “non traditional”student but now it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not sure if I’ll even get a job and have a career after I graduate, I have just always wanted to get my degree so that’s what I’m working on right now. I found out recently that Utah state has a great fully online degree program if you’re interested;). As far as being able to get hired in your 50’s with no experience, I say life experience has got to count for something. You’re getting lots of experience!

  5. Jennifer says:

    I think everyone goes through this sort of thing! I could totally see you as a wonderful labor and delivery nurse–you have both both the ability to calm and soothe others AND a wonderful sense of humor! Have you considered looking into being a Doula? The schooling would be less time and your life experience would be a MAJOR plus. Love you for this real post. So so good.

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