I Don’t Have It All Together

Hi everyone. I’m Jenny, I’m 20 years old, a college student, and 7 months married to the love of my life and best friend. To be completely honest, I think there’s very few people in this world who can confidently say “Yes, I have all my crap together and in order.” Because in reality grown-up life is really different than what Instagram couples and your childhood games of “house” portray. Grown up life is actually really hard. You have to pay bills, and remember WHEN to pay them, and exercise because your high school lacrosse-player body/metabolism doesn’t last forever. You have to be responsible and buy the Cheerios instead of the Cocoa Puffs (still working on that one), and cleaning supplies instead of some new shoes.

a7f295ebb30c272696c85a317aca1cce

Don’t get me wrong, I have literally always dreamed of being a housewife for my handsome husband. Now I have my handsome husband and my “dream 87aa8a7f89e8dcfe010e71c330bb9bdcjob” (at least for the summer) and it’s definitely not what I thought it would be. Because sometimes you underestimate the time it takes for a frozen chicken breast to thaw and accidentally feed your husband raw chicken. And other times you clog the disposal with potato skins and the disposal completely throws up mashed up food into the sink. And sometimes you wake up and realize that you have no clean underwear because you “accidentally” binged on watching Nashville for the last 3 days and completely forgot about real life things like laundry. Oh, and SOMETIMES you turn every single one of your husbands white church shirts pink because you forgot to take his bright red shirt out of the whites load.

This post is not meant for me to burst anybody’s bubble that thinks that marriage is going to be a magical thing that makes you a great chef, homemaker, and the most responsible grown-up there ever was. I’m not trying to complain. This post is about my realization that despite all of the ridiculous and embarrassing things that I’ve done as a wife, marriage is still the most wonderful, happiest, and most fun thing that has ever happened to me. This post is me laughing at myself. For thinking that I would have my life together at 20 years old. Sometimes it’s hard being around so many great women who make life look so easy. They have children and they’re wearing makeup and feeding their children carrots, when here I am with zero kids and a naked face, greasy hair, a mouth full of donut holes, and a messy house. All day, almost everyday. But you know what? It’s okay. Because I’ll get better as I learn how life goes. I don’t know how to cook everything, but I can make some dang good cookies. I don’t always do my hair and makeup but I chose a husband who calls me beautiful everyday regardless of how horrid I think I look. We aren’t rich, but still find room to have fun date nights, and everything always works out. I don’t weigh 110 pounds anymore (and probably won’t ever again), but I have cute workout clothes so I’m getting there, right? I don’t have a clean house all the time but I have a home that is full of love and happiness.

6731ede86ff706fcae43a366e8e92a61

I have never once compared myself to another person until I got married and thought for some reason the whole world was going to be expected of me all at once. Which is a stupid thought, because Luke married the girl who failed her first semester of college, changed her major 3 times, and tricked herself into thinking she had too bad of asthma to exercise outside in high elevation. He OBVIOUSLY didn’t expect me to be a picture perfect wife, haha. I don’t know what made me feel like I had to be perfect all of the sudden. Probably because in my eyes my mom always had it together. But she also had 6 kids before me, and had more experience. I’ll get there one day, but for now I know 100% that I do not have my life together and that’s okay. Because I have the tools I need to better myself. And I don’t know if I’ll ever finally feel like I have it all together, but I know that from now on I’m going to be happy in my situation. Regardless of how far I feel like I have to go. I have a husband and a Father in Heaven who love me despite my flaws and cheer me on everyday.

I’ve been sad lately because I used to be so fun and such a “free spirit” who did what made her happy despite what the social norm was. And recently I’ve turned into a boring grown up who is always worried about something. But a couple days ago, I was laying on our bed and Luke was laying on the floor next to it while we were just talking. I peeked over the edge of the bed to look at him while we were laughing about something together, and as I looked at my oh-so 845e0556d25cafa3dfd047cbfd225dechandsome husband, I actually almost got a little teary because in that moment I realized that all the stupid little things that I worry about or aren’t perfect at didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was that moment. I know what people mean when they say they “fell in love all over again” because I do it so often with my sweet husband. And if we have a life where we can afford to laugh together and have those moments, it’s going to be a wonderful life. I’m choosing to embrace life, and all that it is. And go back to being more myself, by not sweating the small stuff, and making my little family of two’s happiness a priority.

-Jenny

Leave a Reply