I probably shouldnt be posting given my current emotional state… BUT I am anyway.
A month or two ago I heard a thought about virtue, and it has really stuck with me. I used to think the above scripture was just referring to being chaste, but then I can find so many virtuous women! The thought I heard was about how we women tend to think a lot, and we tell ourselves things constantly, and some of those things are virtuous, but most are not. At the time I heard this, I thought to myself… I dont think negative things to myself very often. But then I was sensitive to it… and I do! All day long. I dont always let those thoughts affect how I feel about things but they creep in sometimes.
“you need to work out more. youre overweight.” “you need to fix things with jsfsjh.” “im home all day long and cant even get the laundry done.” “i stink at visiting teaching, and as a mom, and with the budget” “you’re not a very good mom.” “mom had ten kids and she still did…..” (other non-virtuous thoughts may be about other people, things… gossip, complaining, etc. although thats not what I’m feeling right now.)
So many thoughts into my head. I think when I have a bad day its because I let my guard down and this non-virtuous thoughts get the best of me. This morning that happened and I listened to the talk, Behold Your Mother by Elder Holland and AGAIN, just had tears coming the whole time. The words he spake which are echoing in my head are, “you are doing better than you think.” (he also talks about how a mothers love is closest to the love our savior feels for us. My mom exudes love for us, especially in times of trial. I was looking through pictures from when Flossie was born and love this.)
There are so many things I need to work on, and so many people out there to remind me (well meaning people) and yet sometimes we just need to snuggle our kids, watch tv and say,.. its okay. Im okay. I want to be that virtuous woman. All I can do right now is block those thoughts, and maybe someday I can replace them. Not today.
PS I am NOT writing this and looking for compliments. I think we all have a day every once in a while where we are too tired or hormonal to block those feelings and they affect us. But most of my days are extremely blessed. (again, shortly after flossie was born. I love this. She was in and out of sleep but laying still and brad was asleep but holding her tight. If Heavenly Father loves us much as brad loves his babies.. then its okay if we cant do it all and we should just shush those thoughts.) the end. — Stephie