Traditionally, I have been a “pleaser.” I like to make other people happy, and to put other people first, even if its something I dont want to do. Its funny though because the word “pleaser” has a negative connotation, and yet the description doesnt sound so bad. I will apologize for everything even when I didnt do anything (like ALMOST brushing by someone at the grocery store) and I also say thank you a lot, even just out of habit. When a waitress is being rude, I try to be extra nice. Partially because I dont want them to spit in my food, and partially because I want to make them happy. Throughout my life there have been several people who this has really bothered about me. I have been told to stop doing all of the above things for various reasons by various people. They think it’s demeaning, or weak, or annoying, or not healthy, etc. Whatever. It particularly bothers businessy type women who think all girls need to demand what’s theirs and blah blah blah. I love this:
However, throughout my life, in trying to please people, I have realized that I cant always please people. No matter how hard you may try, or to what lengths you may go to, to watch others feelings, or be grateful, or thoughtful, or careful, people will be offended, hurt, etc. Does this make it a bad thing to try in the first place? No. I dont think so anyway. I am always glad I tried, even if the person is super hurtful in return. I once received a hateful letter in the mail for a thank you note. Im still glad I sent the note. Healing comes with time. For both people.
Something else I have learned though, is that you need to be able to let go. This is particularly hard if it is family. I dont mean cut them off, hate them, etc. I mean, let it go. Love them, but from a distance. Sometimes family, or friends, can be harmful to us. I have been through this several times, and now as I watch someone near to me struggle with letting go, all these emotions have come flooding back. Praying to be able to forgive, and feeling like it wont happen, and then having a little time go by and peace comes. I have found that time heals all wounds. But for a pleaser like me, it is SO hard to let that time pass. Anyway, this isnt what I was wanting to write about… but its what came out!