The week before last, I had a bit of cabin fever. Derek was studying for finals so he was pretty much out of commission. At the beginning of the week I was super positive. I was going to wake up each morning and make him breakfast before he left and make sure I had a nice dinner on the table each day when he got home so he was all taken care of and ready to get right back to studying after dinner. I did pretty good with dinner but I didn’t wake up once to make him breakfast because I was just too tired from a few long nights.
During the days though I had a lot of time to think to myself. I started thinking about school for Derek next year and what would be different. Instead of being pregnant/a new mom I will have a one year old for most of the school year. I started thinking which led to stressing. I started feeling small and insignificant. Here I am, graduated with a degree in Elementary Education and doing nothing to contribute financially to my household. One morning, while Charlie took a nice long nap, I started to think maybe I should just look and see what opportunities are around me. I found the pay and dollar signs started appearing in my eyeballs. I started thinking about all the things that extra money could go towards. I’m embarrassed to say that my first thoughts were of going out to eat more often and more shopping trips (then came thoughts of saving). Then I started thinking that maybe I needed (not wanted) to work next year. I started feeling burdened and began looking at how much daycare would cost and subtracting that amount from my monthly paycheck, I would still make a significant (for us) amount of money. Then my little baby woke up. I went in to get him from his bed and the second he saw me he got the widest little smile on his face and started making the happiest of noises. I thought then that there is no way I want to give up seeing his little face after every nap.
As nice as money sounds, I would much rather be home (even on the hard days) with my sweet boy than anywhere else and how lucky am I that I am able to have that opportunity. We may have to budget which means we don’t go out to eat all the time or always have new clothes but I wouldn’t trade my time with my baby for all the meals out or any amount of new clothes. Some days are long and hard and some weeks are full of them (like the past couple of weeks) but then one little snuggle will bring me to tears and make me the happiest mom in the world.